When it comes to relationships, nothing is more heart breaking like being abused by the person you love and trust. The mere fact that this person capitalized on your trust and commitment to him/her to domestically and emotionally abuse you is criminal, invidious and totally unacceptable.
Be that as it may, there’s no gainsaying the vivid reality that falling in love is a beautiful thing and a happily flourishing home is everyone’s dream, so this brings me to the topic I want to talk about today.
Domestic violence as defined by Wikipedia is violence or abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting such as marriage or cohabitation. Before delving deeper into this, I would want to first deal with SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL ABUSER, often times there are signs and characteristics that show that a person ( your Lover) could be an abuser but we often times overlook it, or even deliberately ignore the glaring signs ( what I call intentional mistake)
Did you know that apart from just the physical abuse to the body which is apparently very rampant, there is also EMOTIONAL ABUSE? This is unequivocally as damaging as the physical abuse if not even more serious than the physical but am going to deal with that on a separate post.
No one should be a victim slavishly or otherwise of a domestic abuse of any kind, as a survivor am going to be sharing with you clear signs to look out for as red flag so you can take a step before it’s too late.
SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL ABUSER
1) They start of as very passionate, slavishly loving, critically emotional and caring in the beginning of your relationship to the point that they call you like every 20minutes, under the deep blue pretence that they love you so much and just want to hear your voice or just checking up on you to know how you are doing, that is a cryptic lie, anyone that you just started dating who calls you up with a monitoring attitude like every hour will later on manifestly become a possessor, you sure will be optically blind to all these indices in the beginning cos you are overwhelmed with adrenaline rush of transient emotions with the believe that for this guy or person to call you ceaselessly this much simply means he really love you and you are so blown away, please blow yourself back to the awkward reality. The red flag here is that such a person wants to be in absolute totalitarian control of your life so much that they want to know what you are doing every hour; it’s dangerous to continue with such a person.
2) They have this innately gross insecurity complex issue and as such always needing you to prove your love and reassure same for them, they always make you feel like you are not doing enough to show your love and commitment, one thing that you must know is that these abusers are expertly good at playing mind games to making you look believably bad before your own conscience and in the eyes of everyone.
3) They always play the victimology role that is they act like the victims all the time whenever there is a slight tiff or quarrel, especially in the early days of the relationship, when someone constantly makes you take all the blame and act like they are not getting enough love or attention from you when you know you are doing everything humanly right and possible please step aloof and watch what you are into. Note: An unexamined relationship is good riddance to bad rubbish to say the least.
4) They get easily angry and defensively cast the blame on you. They display endlessly senseless anger over irrelevant and needless things or issues and in turn spittle the aspersion on you alarming that it’s because they love you so much and can’t do without you bla bla bla….blin blin blin….this is the big, bold, black lie ever. Please do not hesitate to run because by so doing he is enslaving your emotions and reaping off your self esteem and woman’s dignity inside of you.
5) They hurt themselves physically just to show you how much they insanely love you or how much you are hurting them by your unknown and innocent misconduct. Now ask yourself this question, if someone can cause grievous bodily harm to himself and blame it on you what would they do to you if they have the chance? If a Crocodile can eat its own egg what will it not do to the flesh of a frog (Late Prof.Ola Rotimi- The gods are not to blame)?
6) They are constantly jealous, insecure and angry when you are having the slightest of fun with your friends or family. They effortlessly convince you that it’s because you are not making them a priority and feels you putting them on a friend zone. Their level of excessive jealousy is so weird and out of this world which causes them to create their own non-existing world of insecurity around you mentally tied to them.
7) They have issues with all your friends and basically want you selfishly all to themselves within a short period of time. This is very critical and can easily be spot on base on the fact that they suspects you with anything called human and builds a figment of his imagination around their inordinately senseless suspicion and sniff around you with your friend and even your family.
8) They always set rules and regulations, my dear any relationship that starts off with a constitution is from hell, it should be about love and natural flow of emotions and not you must do this or do that, you must wear this and mustn’t wear that, a remote control structured way of your love life which puts you in default settings wherein you do not have the character manual to configure yourself out of it.
9) They want to change everything about you to only reflect their person, nothing about who you are and what makes you what you are makes sense enough for them, and they make you feel that it’s the next sane step to prove that you are really into them, they sweet talk you with a sugar coated tongue to change even your lifestyle, fashion sense if any, your friends, your belief system etc so you think only through the eyes of their own needle.
10) A potential abuser would stick to you too soon, maybe in the early weeks of dating even when you are still contemplating the whole thing, they would usually push things fast to a point where you become helplessly lost in their unknown world and just believe that it’s love, you are not obliged the room to think things through.
One thing you must take cognizance of is that they are excellent mind game players and have over time mastered the skillful art of messing with your mind so much that you only see life blurringly through their narrow life gate and borrowed lens. Nothing is ever their fault in all they do, whatever they do is on the because-i-love-you premise that is the usual line and excuse. This is spiteful; it’s reprehensible and must be resisted by all means.
In my next post i will deal more on the types of domestic abuse, how to get out of an abusive relationship and move on to a better you. Don’t forget to leave me your comments. Many thanks for painstakingly reading this write-up. I am Joy Etor.