Why would a man lie to his ex that he’s not married when he is?
This post is shared with Every Woman’s Blog by Ozzie. The author wishes to remain anonymous for good reasons and will only be known as the pseudonym above.
I met my husband six months after he split up with his ex which was 2 years ago. They fell out and he stopped being with her for whatever reason. She is now married and lives abroad. My husband is also obviously married to me for over a year now.
I have accidently stumbled across email exchanges between my husband and his ex. They write to each other almost every day. My husband lies to her and didn’t tell her that he met me and got married. He tells her that he still loves her and will only marry her and no one else, that in fact he hasn’t met anyone else, etc.
They flirt very seriously like this on emails. From what I gathered, she sometimes calls him as he asks her to. He can’t call her as she doesn’t give her number. She says she would have liked to be married to him instead of her husband but because he dumped her, they ended like this. It goes on like this and has been for the last 2 years.
My consolation is that she is a long way away and if my husband really wanted her, he would have reached her somehow. If she really wanted to get back with my husband, she would not hide from him. Is this simple ego flattery, are they quidding themselves with what might have beens? Everybody loves to be loved and desired so it could be just a mind game between themselves. I really don’t understand what they are both trying to do? My husband tells me that she did the dirty on him so he is kind of having a revenge like this as she still likes/loves him.
I reckon she is having a revenge as my husband left her and now he still wants her!
Anyway, my friends are consoling me by saying he’s made a stupid mistake, he married me not her, he comes home to me not her so I shouldn’t worry. If they really wanted each other, they would have done something about it by now.
I don’t know what to think. I wanted to kick him out as for me, even if there is no physical cheating, he still has been cheating on me with his thoughts.
What do you think they were both doing? Now that they know I know, will they stop?
Help me please.
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This post has one comment
November 30th, 2008
Hi
I am sorry for what you are going through in your marriage.
Even if there is no physical cheating, there is still the mental and emotional cheating which could probably lead to the physical .
You are being mentally and emotionally abused by his virtual affair. Where will it lead to ?
Do you feel that you are being tortured mentally, emotionally and psychologically everyday by his ongoing affairs? It is such an anguish and you should not tolerate it.
If you do ,then you should tell him to stop all contacts with the ex. His behavior is unreasonable, unfair and hurting.
It is like you stepped on a nail and if you do not pull it out and apply the medicine, your wounds would fester and become gangrene.
What if you do the same to him?I do not think he will be able to accept that.
The mental and emotional cheating can hurt your self esteem and confidence .
If you do not nip the problem in the bud, it will burn like a wild bush fire and you will not be able to do anything to save your marriage.
I think you should put your foot down and ask him to stop any communications with his ex. If you cannot do that or he won’t then your marriage will be very rocky.
Better you know where he stands now vis a vis with you than somewhere further down the road when he leave you for her.
I do not think that it is right for him to carry on communicating with his ex. It should only be limited in nature and no such blatant flirtings with each other.
They are playing with fire which can get out of control if you do not pour cold water on them.
Marriage is about respect and love. If he cannot respect you and do not do as you want , you have become a door mat.
You should let him know where are your limits and boundaries and he should respect them. Otherwise, it is better to leave the marriage before he inflicts more mental and emotional abuses .
If he loves you , he will listen and stop playing mind games with you and stop communicating with the ex.
Do not rationalize his actions. It is wrong to cheat even in the virtual world . No sensible and rational woman would tolerate it.
He is having the cake and eating it or enjoying the best of both worlds. As long as you do not take any actions , he will flirt not only with his ex but with any other loose and flirty woman.
His thinking is faulty for he does not understand a woman’s psychological makeup. You should tell him your feelings and hope that he will understands.