A few days ago I read with disgust as a woman tells her story of how she has a regular day job and by night she works as a sex worker to support her husband and kids as well as her aging parents. And she’s been doing this for 3 years and hopes to do so for another few more years to save up enough money from her earnings as a prostitute.

Whilst she feels nothing wrong with being a sex worker who earns at most RM80 per customer, I do wonder why her husband is totally fine with this! Is he a pimp and therefore pimping his wife as a prostitute? Does he not care about the welfare of his wife, having to sleep with all kinds of men, whom she revealed to be from the age of 17 to 80 years?

If he does not care much about her as his wife, maybe he should think about her as a mother to his kids. You do not simply let the mother of your kids get involved in such work! How will he kids feel knowing that their mother sells her body to support the family and the father does not stop her?

The man of the house could easily pick up another job if he’s not already earning enough to support the family. I don’t think agreeing to the wife being a prostitute is a responsible thing to do.

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Whilst it may seem a harsh thing to say, I think Rihanna should be ashamed that she has decided to get back together with Chris Brown. After what he has done to her, beating her up repeated, she still found it in her to forgive his action because she still loves him very much. No doubt this is a case of love being blind, who could blame a girl in love.

But it is definitely not worth to be with a man who claims to love you but then repeatedly beat you up so bad. Will he ever change his ways? I doubt so. If he did feel sorry and remorseful over his bad behaviour in bashing up the woman he loves, there wouldn’t have been a second or third time.

If a woman keeps forgiving the man she deeply loves for beating her up, indirectly she is giving him the message that it is alright to hit her because she loves him and is willing to forgive him. She may even find her own excuse for his behaviour, believing that she did deserve the beating too.

Any woman, for whatever she has done, does not deserve to be beaten up. For that matter, no one deserves to be beaten up for any action. Hitting out at anyone is a crime, don’t you think?

I urge all women to rethink whether it’s worth while to forgive and continue to be with the man who hits her. As much as you love him, you do not deserve to be treated that way by him. Don’t make up excuses for his bad behaviour, he doesn’t deserve it unless he belongs in a mental institution. Think about it, if a man really loves you, he wouldn’t and couldn’t stand to see you get hurt, much less to be the one to inflict the pain on you. How could someone who love you turn violent against you? Think about it.

I previously wrote a post about not putting up with domestic violence. You can read it here.

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Women should never ever be subjected to such violence at home. And if any of us are unfortunate enough to marry someone who abuses us, I pray that we have the strength, courage and support of family and friends to take the high road to protect ourselves and children by standing up against domestic violence. It is not something that should be tolerated no matter how much you love your spouse. A husband who genuinely loves and cares for his wife will never lay hands on her.

There is never a good reason behind his violent behaviour. Do not justify his actions, do not assign blame upon yourself, that you had deserved it for provoking him. Even an occassional slap around is not acceptable behaviour. Don’t even think that a drunken man is excuseable from his actions of laying his hands on his wife. A drunken man is not completely unconscious of his own actions. A man who hits a woman is not a man! In my opinion, such men are better called beasts.

No matter how apologetic a man is of his bad behaviour, no matter what he showers you with after the damage he’s done, never be bought. He will only do it again and again. Don’t listen to his promises of not doing it again, ever. A man who hits is not a man to be trusted.

So ladies, don’t put up with domestic violence. Stand up for yourself and your loved ones because they do no want to see you get hurt either. If you have children, think about what message you are bringing across to them if you allow yourself to be a victim of domestic violence. It is not okay for violence to begin at home. A home should be filled with love and harmony.

For Malaysian women, a place to start getting help other than from your family and friends is the Women’s Aid Organisation.

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On the other side of the coin, there are also quite a number of women who wish to be home-makers. I would say the women in this category largely are new mothers who long to spend time with and watch their kids’ growing years intimately. 

I’ve experienced both of these phases and I’m at the stage right now where nothing beats realising my dream of becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM). My definition of staying at home, however, is not solely restricted to performing the household chores and caring for the kids. More specifically, I would like to be a work-from-home-mom. But I suspect that when I actually am a work at home mom, I would likely be gallivanting with my kids all day long, bringing them out to have a time of their lives (not to mention my share of the fun too!). 

Whilst the challenge of a career has brought about much satisfaction, confidence, great friendship and intellectual stimulations to life, I now have a different perspective and sense of wanting to spend more family time with loved ones. I’ve spoken to many moms, both the working ones and the ones I consider lucky enough to spend all their time home with their kids. Both sides offer differing views. It’s actually the case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.

Mothers who are at work like me, want very much to be able to quit from their jobs to be with their kids. Mothers who are actually home with their kids feel that they are better off at work. Many stay-at-home-moms have shared that taking a break from the rat race to watch their kids grow into beautiful personalities is rewarding, but there’s only so much that they can take staying away from the real adult world. Many have gone back to their working life after a couple of years staying home, and they have found the working world a refreshing change afterwards.

We women must be quite a confused bunch. We want to stay home with the kids and yet after some years, we decide that we’ve had enough and that having more serious adult conversations at work will do us more good in our wellbeing. So what is it that we truly want, to work or be home with the kids?

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No matter how much you may love your husband, or how fearful you are of him, I am quite sure a mother’s love for her kids is very much stronger. The protective instincts of a mother, I would think, would give her the strength and determination to do whatever it takes to safe her children. 

I’m not badgering Elisabeth’s mother nor saying that it is her fault for keeping mum about her daughter’s captivity, but I am just baffled that she as a mother could bear with the guilt of letting such bad things happen to her daughter.

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