Should we tell her she’s marrying a cheater?
This post is shared with Every Woman’s Blog by Ms Torn. The author wishes to remain anonymous for good reasons and will only be known as the pseudonym above.
My Friend, B is about to marry a guy who is known to many of his friends as a cheat. For the years that he was dating B, he has countlessly cheated on her. We don’t know if she suspects or even knows about this but chose to stay quiet and maintain the relationship. Several times, we tried to hint to her but she is all about denial that her man could ever be unfaithful to her. The thing is, I think deep inside she is very insecure about herself because many of his lady friends and even ex-girlfriends are the glamourous and pretty type while she is pretty much a plain Jane.
So when he popped the question after many years of dating, she was elated and we were sure she would let nothing get in the way of her marrying him. Bottom line is, she is dying to be married, doesn’t matter that he may not be the man of her dreams. We know that she is afraid that she will not find someone else who might want to marry her if this man ever leaves her.
But being people on the sideline knowing the whole ugly truth, we wonder if we are doing the right thing and keeping quiet about the person she will be marrying. We realise it will cause a lot of hurt if we force the truth on her though she may choose not to believe us. But do we tell or not?
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This post has 10 comments
October 21st, 2008
Of course you do!
And yes, she may not believe you at first-but I think it’ll be a good idea to snoop and catch him red handed and show her proof. It’s a lot of work, but if you take into account the value of her future, it’s well worth the effort!
Better do this than to regret later and live with a troubled conscience as well.
Cheating bastards should never be allowed to spoil the lives of good women!
October 21st, 2008
If you do as Anucia, you will lose your friend for good. Your friend will not believe you even with the proof.Put yourself in her shoes. Would you believe your future husband or your friend?This is not an easy question but most of the time , your friend will believe more in him than her friends.
No woman would like to be told that they are wrong and when it is about love, there is no way you can convince her.When you are in love, you are blind and deaf to any negative news.
If she asked you, then only tell her what you know, otherwise you will lose a good friend.
October 22nd, 2008
As a woman, you are to look out for your womankind, even more so if she’s a good friend!
even if you lose her, it will only be temporary, not for good like Laura claims, for once she realises she will come back-its natural.
There’s no harm in letting her go to find herself-parents do that all the time, and friends should know when to do the right thing and stand by principles. Things like this require us to not be selfish and put aside thoughts of “what if she never talks too me again?/what if she doesn’t believe me”. Forget the “me” and the “I”-it’s someone’s life here!
October 22nd, 2008
Hi Anucia,
Your youthful idealism is much admired but realism is another different thing. One day you will have the chance to exercise what you said here.
Have a nice day .
October 23rd, 2008
If I were in Ms Torn’s shoes, I would be really confused too as to which is the right thing to do. There are consequences to both options, so consider very carefully.
November 2nd, 2008
Hi ladies,
I just got told by a friend that my husband is cheating on me. She got told by her husband who is friend with mine. That’s how she found out.
It is true that I prefer not to believe her a lot of the time and hope it’s all a huge misunderstanding, that her husband exagerated what he saw. But the truth is I am very hurt that my husband can even think about cheating on me, let alone doing it. I am trying to be positive and look at it with a rational head on, but I don’t think I will ever forgive him for doing this to me. I will be thinking hard in the next few days/weeks and decide if I give him a chance or leave him. We do not have children but I know a second failed marriage will knock me down hard.
What do you think?
November 3rd, 2008
Hi Zoe. I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I’m sure this is a tough time for you. Speak with your family and lean on their shoulders for support. Just don’t make rash and impulsive decisions, especially when you know how hard it will knock you out. Stay strong and calm through it all.
November 6th, 2008
Hi City Girl,
Thanks for your reply. I am like a yo-yo right now. One minute I am happy and forgive him, one minute I want to rip his hart out. I need patience whatever I do but it’s very hard.
I wish I could just turn a blind eye. It’s true to say ignorence is bliss.
November 7th, 2008
Laura,
I have exercised my “youthful idealism” as you call it. So I do know what I’m talking about.
August 16th, 2011
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