Does a guy mind that his girlfriend is not a virgin?
Many women are stuck in unhappy relationships where they are verbally abused by their partners so much so that they are emotionally shattered and their self confidence affected. It makes one wonder why such women, especially when they are not legally married, stay on in such unhealthy relationships. I’m quite sure there are valid reasons why they are holding on to such relationships. The reasons may not make sense to a third party at all.
A friend of mine was in such a relationship with her boyfriend and often cried herself to sleep. When things got very bad and she needed to talk it out instead of suffering in silence, she would pick up the phone and talk and sob through tears with some close friends. Her family knew nothing of this because she did not want to worry them and see him in a bad light.
After numerous calls, I finally decided to ask her if she ever thought of leaving him and finding someone better who would treat her with respect. She hesitated for just about 3 seconds before saying that she will not end the relationship. I probed further and she revealed to me that she was afraid no one else out there would want her. I told her she’s being silly. After all, she’s an attractive woman who’s got a good heart, beautiful and a bubbly personality. What’s there not to like about a girl like that?
With a sigh, she explained to me is that she was afraid that other men would not want her and look lowly upon her because she is no longer a virgin. I was taken aback with her answer.
Do women these days still feel this way about how they are viewed by men? Does a man really give less points to a woman who has engaged in pre-marital sex? Whether it is morally and religiously right or wrong, that’s another topic altogether. The fact is, it is common these days that couples engage in pre-marital sex and that people tend to go through a few relationships before finding the one they exchange marital vows with. So it would be quite rare (not impossible, just rare) in our society today to find a virgin unless it is a first time relationship.
Anyway, do guys really give lower brownie points to a girl who’s not a virgin? Only the guys will know this. Guys, care to share your thoughts?
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This post has 62 comments
January 23rd, 2010
My girlfriend lost her virginity to my best friend when she was just 17. The two of them had been drinking a bit and making out and she was on top of him naked and he did it to her.
She has always regretted it and it drives me nuts knowing she was with another guy, and it is very awkward when we are all together now.
January 27th, 2010
My girlfriend lost her virginity to her ex boyfriend. It really hurts me because she is a great girl and was saving herself for marriage, and also this guy is an ass, but what is done is done.
I just think that we should think a little bit things before doing them, because you might just not have something great to offer to the right person when that person comes to your life.
February 10th, 2010
My girlfriend lost her virginity to her first boyfriend when she was 16, the guy was like 21 or something, now I am 19 and she is 20, and YES it is very painful and has been a problem since she told me that, specially because I was a virgin when I knew, but I really love her and I’m trying to get over it, actually I even thought of leaving her because if that, but it would be just stupid because she’s such a nice girl for me. Now I am just better and have started to give less importance to that, I openly talk to her about it and it has really helped, however I still don’t understand why she did it, the guy was an ass too, but I guess it was a different momment, and she admits to have done stupid things, although not specially sex. she does not regret it, she just says that is no longer important for her. I still feel disgusted when I think about it, but I am trying to leave it behind
February 22nd, 2010
I’m 16, and my girlfriend had the same thing happen to her when she was 15. We’ve been dating for almost a year, but it really hurts me thinking about it. I was a virgin when I found out, but I truely have strong feelings for her. It’s better knowing someone else went through what I went through. If you have any advice to help me through, it’d be much appreciated
February 13th, 2010
my girlfriend lost her virginity when she was 17 to a fling she had. He somehow managed to work himself inside her before she asked him to stop because she did not want him to be her first. He was respectful and stopped, but unfortunately it still counts, even if only for a less than a minute and not even halfway in. I was a virgin, and was bothered, but its been 2 years for us, and am getting over it.
February 25th, 2010
It’s wrong for men to act the way they do towards a girl who isn’t virgin anymore. BUT! keep in my that I was hyppocrital in saying that.
No offense, but I just view women who aren’t virgins, tainted goods and just not that good. I mean if they were a woman with dignity, value and morals then she would still be a virgin despite everything that may happen.
I’m actually thinking of leaving my current GF right now for this very reason but I’m still wondering if it’s really worth it…
March 4th, 2010
My wife was not a virgin when we met and it didn’t bother me at first. I hadn’t anticipated that I was going to love her deeply and marry her. She had a couple boyfriends before and I lost my virginity to her and as we got more involved in the relationship, this issue took a turn for the worst. Believe me, she’s a wonderful woman and it should be my struggle. But I cannot get passed the thought of her having encouraged and enjoyed other Men’s bodies laying on her. Why was I a virgin ? For one, she was my first girlfriend. For 2, looking back I was probably shy and too respectful towards women I strongly felt I could have plain sex with.
True, a Man who was not a virgin cannot blame his Wife who was not either. But we can sit here all day long and argue, Men and Women are different. I would not be surprised to see a Woman secretly being proud of her Man’s past as a “player” as this would be an indication that he has what Women want. Instinctively, a female is selective in her choice of male while the male cares less. Men know that. It’s much easier for Women to seduce Men than Men to seduce Women. That is why She is selective. Even if a Man was not a virgin it would still bother him to know that his Woman allowed another Man to lay on her and that she enjoyed it. Simply because of the fact that his own experience has been to work hard to seduce Women just to see that his own let another one win so easily. It’s a possessive and selfish feeling, but we’re wired like that, change that and you change who we are. We naturally feel like we should be the first chosen.
Obviously, I wish my wife was a virgin. Impossible so I’m stuck and need help because I don’t want to lose this wonderful person. But if I were you, I would lie to my husband unless there are chances that things from the past rise. If there are no chances, keep it to yourself and at least make him believe he was the first and only one to sleep with you. Unique and strong romance can only come from that. I know how romantic I could be, want to be if this didnt bother me.
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